Monday, August 6, 2007

Rant 1: Paging Dr. Reality-Check on Line One, Please

When I checked my e-mail this morning, I had several requests for the "dirty little secrets" from Vancouver. While writing about each guy and situation would take too long, and I don't want to do another week long multi-post like last week, I will focus on the hot Italian boy I banged and post the details in their entirety. Look for that by tomorrow (Tuesday sometime).

But first, a Rant.

Several things attract me to guys. The beauty and tightness of an in-shape male body is beyond the pale in comparison to a womans'. The masculinity, similar thought patterns, lack of hormonal fluctuations... and the lack of drama. Which, as my gay readers know, is not necessarily always the case. Especially with the bottoms.

Sigh.

Two weeks ago, I managed to meet a guy that I didn't write about in the blog. I mean, I try, but lots of shit happens in a day, or week, and not everything makes it.

Anyway, his name was Jeff. He's good looking, about a 7.5 on a 10 scale face wise, great body and one of the top three asses I have ever seen. Just an amazing ass.

We met while I was shopping at Whole Foods for meat to take to a BBQ. We made some casual talk while we were waiting at the butcher counter and parted ways. I didn't think another thing of it. Then I ran into him again in another part of the store, and talked some more. I left the store and made another pit stop, and ran into him at the dessert counter. We laughed, and he asked if I was following him, a fact, he said, that wouldn't bother him at all.

Zing!

I picked up on the clue, and immediately got his number. I went over to his house that night after leaving the BBQ and fucked him 3 times nonstop, back-to-back. As I said, he had an amazing ass.

That was hot; I didn't mind that part at all.

The part I did and continue to mind, however, was how my performing the "you're hot, lets fuck" proposal was somehow translated into Woman inside his mind to mean, "I love you, please marry me". I think you can see where this was headed.

Text messages swarmed and filled my inbox, and if you have a RAZR, fucking things, you know that’s not hard to do. I got calls constantly, and had he known where I lived, or stayed when in Seattle, I have no doubt he would have parked his happy little ass outside there, too.

I finally got fed up with it, who wouldn't?, and told him the fucking deal. He was a trick; I don't meet my future husband(s) at Whole Foods and fuck them 3 hours later. It was a hookup, period. Had he not gone psycho on me and approached things slowly and with an open mind towards dating, that could have been a real possibility. Going ape shit, however, ensured that "NOT A CHANCE IN HELL" was firmly applied to the mental file I kept on him.

Evidently, however, I was not successful in my efforts to get rid of him, as evidenced by the following e-mail:

***** Begin E-mail*****


From: ********** Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: *********
Date: Aug 5, 2007 3:49 PM
Subject: Dude, hello....?


On 8/5/07, ********* wrote:
I'm sorry about this past weekend and anything that I said wrong to you in the texts.
To be honest, I was very hurt by you and I felt very humiliated and embarrassed and like a total ass for the way I was acting toward you. The truth of the matter is that you are one of the very, VERY few people I've ever wanted to date and not just fuck. You're the first person that would have sex with me that i wanted to be with in 3 months. I'm guessing now, especially given this past weekend, it's going to be another 3 months or longer before I'll ever get sex again.

I wanted to be able to hang out with you over the weekend, but it seemed pretty clear you didn't want to see me at all. I'm guessing that all I am for you is a one night stand in which you said what you had to to get what you wanted and therefore you did.

I do want to know you and spend time with you and have fun. But I guess it's all up to you. I just want to apologize for anything I did or said wrong over the weekend. I'm sure you had tons of sex with lots of hot guys up in Vancouver. I hope you were safe. I finally left Vancouver last night without being able to meet even one guy to make out with. I'm glad to be home.

I hope you are well, and you won't hear much from me unless I hear from you.

*******

*****End E-mail*****


So, as you can see, my current "dude, back the fuck off" strategy is not working. Damn.

Short of telling him I will beat the fuck out of him if he ever talks to me again, which I am loathe to do for someone who just craves attention and affection, I'm not really sure about to proceed... Any ideas from the audience?


~Mike

Send Mike an E-mail

5 comments:

rob said...

Just found your blog a week ago, good one

Unless you want his ass again, re-double on the "Dude Back the fuck off" strategy. Otherwise it's hysterical text/emails from this guy's feminine side, straight to you. Maybe even a couple of suicide threats. After that it just isn't fun anymore.

Anonymous said...

This dude sounds like a total girl... you should totally run for your life from this guy. Guys who don't understand casual sex are totally confusing since it's usually women who don't understand that dynamic.

Anonymous said...

OK Mike your blog is interesting, and I like the sex stories. But you are pretty cruel - you're making fun of a guy who *really* likes you! What are you gonna dude when "the one" comes along?

--Jon

The Average Joe said...

okay as a bottom who falls pretty hard sometimes for his tops I SIMPLY DONT GET IT here. you guys met for what like total of 10 minutes in the shop and then you fucked but its not like u were chatting about your life for like 3 months before and u had sex that you could have anything but a carnal connection.

people should stop beating up on you. its one thing for you to be an ass to someone you court, fuck and dump and for someone you pickup, plow and toss. BIG DIFFERENCE. most guys should know that if you fuck within 24 of meeting someone its definitely not going anywhere.

jeez.

Anonymous said...

Mike I agree with Jon...to a point We get your blog, you are arrogant and that you think you are all that but you have to remember everyone is a "10" to a certain crowd. But being a 10 does not give anyone the right to make a person feel like crap. I understand what you mean and he was a trick for sure but people have feelings. All I can say is this.. what goes around comes around but twice as strong and one of these days you will get hit between the eyes with what you have been given out. Of course you are an adult and so are these guys you are meeting but that does not mean you have to be cruel. But again, it is not that you did anything wrong because you did not say that you were going to date these guys.. So far I have not read any where where you have lead anyone one but there have been some cruel things you have said in certain postings. Remember you do reap what you sow.

But I do get a feeling you are a nice guy underneath it all.

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