Monday, September 24, 2007

Of Danes and Men

OK, so everyone has their weaknesses. They can be "cat-people" or "kid-people" or whatever sort of noun-people they choose to describe themselves as in regards to a subject/issue/creature that makes them go weak kneed. Personally, the thought of little kittens makes me think fondly of burlap sacks with rocks, and the very sight of small children makes me reach for immune boosters. Drippy, oozy things, kids.

Dogs though...I am definitely a dog-person.

Shade, my rather large, sadistically fun black lab, is a hold over from a soured relationship. My ex and I got the dog together. Judging from the fact that I still have him, you can see who won that particular “who gets what” battle. While I love Shade and would never give him up, he wasn't my first choice for a dog. I wanted to go with something a bit more...exotic. And large. I'm a big guy, I wanted a big dog. Big, BIG dog.

For the dog aficionados out there, I have two words to say to you: Blue Dane.

If this means nothing to you, first, shame. Shame on you. Second, I will enclose a picture, for your education benefit.

There is a point to this, however, and a sexual point at that.

I'm sure just about every guy out there (minus the really, really, realllllllly nasty ones) has had a "pity fuck" at some point in his life. Indeed, I have mentioned it before in past blogs. The sort of guy where you can't quite bring yourself to say "eh, he blatantly lied, I'm gone" or you slam the door in his face. Instead, you just kind of groan and sigh inwardly, fuck the dude and get the hell away from him as fast as possible.

Well...sometimes that does not go according to plan.

I met up with this guy this weekend that I have been chatting with on M4m4sex for quite awhile (see, I'm expanding my repertoire of sites?). He's been on my "If" list for awhile. As in, If I get really horny and If he can send three pictures in a row that look like the same guy, I’d fuck him. None of his pictures were ugly, I had seen about 8 and all were good looking, but the variability between each pic had me a bit nervous. It is not a good thing when you can't tell if the guy is the guy or just using someone’s picture to fake it.

Anyway, I was bored, horny, still recovering from the flu, and not really willing to drive. He, however, was willing to drive, horny, and didn't care that I was recovering from the flu (see, I was nice, and I told him).

Either way, it was ass on delivery and that was good enough for me.

Right up until he got there.

He arrived in a totally fagged out Pathfinder. I don't know how you rainbow-accessorize a freaking PATHFINDER to look like a princess-mobile, but between color, accessories, various HRC/Rainbow/Equality stickers, he had managed it. That was my first "oh crap". Then he got out of the car and I got my second.

He was tall, taller than I thought, standing at 6'4" or 6’5”. I'm not really a fan of tall guys, but in addition to being tall, he was also thin. Freakishly, Calista Flockhart-thin.

Beyond the fact that it looked like he weighed 130 pounds, and was cannibalizing his body as he stood there, he was decent looking. He had no ass, 1.4% body fat (if that), trimmed brown hair and again, no ass. Just bones.


I brought him inside, we got naked, I didn't bother with small talk and we went to work. He was a passably good cock sucker, and I let him munch on my root for awhile. I kept my eyes closed, imagining myself with some hot guy, or just about anybody else, instead of his emaciated form. He succeeded in getting me hard and hot enough to want more, so I wrapped my schlong, put on some lube and slid it in.

I couldn't even fuck him very hard. He could take it so-so, but if I slammed his ass hard, it was literally so bony that it hurt my groin.


I used his hole, keeping my eyes closed and just focused on cumming as fast as possible. I came, apparently he did too, and we cleaned up. I wouldn't say that I hustled him to the door... but I moved with more alacrity than was necessary. As I walked him to his car, I noticed something I didn't when he arrived.

Taking up almost all of the back of his Pathfinder was a massive, beautiful Blue Dane.

Holy. Shit.

Shade got out, and the two started going berserk barking at each other. His dog, I swear to you this is true, Prince, was moving back and forth so violently that the Pathfinder was rocking back and forth like a rowboat in high seas.

I finally muscled Shade back into my house, came back and looked at Prince. My fuck let him out, and I could only marvel at the dog. He was perfectly behaved, now that Shade was gone, beautiful, well kempt and absolutely massive.

I had to see this dog again.

Where before I was only playing nice to show him the door and get the hell back to my movie (Men in Black), now I broached the subject...

"Hey bro, I had a great time."

"Yeah," he said, "you're hot, and fuck do you know how to use a hole!" **shudder**

"Well," I told him, "If you liked that, I certainly wouldn't mind doing it again sometime, maybe I could head to you since you came here. Get another good fuck in," I added to make sure he didn't think I was pursuing something more.

"Definitely man, come over anytime!" and he quickly gave me his address.

So, I now have another fuck scheduled for Mr. Blue Dane. I'm definitely not into the guy, but the dog... Fuck. What a dog!

Oh well, I can do a few pity fucks if I get the chance to play and see Prince again.

Send Mike an E-mail

***NOTE: Already, I have heard some comments. Apparently, there are Seinfeld and Will & Grace episodes where a similar occurence happened. Well. Tough shit. I hated Will & Grace and thought Seinfeld so-so at best. I wrote what happened because it did, not because I saw it on TV.


Baltimorean said...

hehehe good post. glad you're up & about.

The Average Joe said...

i had no clue about the will and grace and seinfield stuff but ive let a foggy old man fuck me quite a few times because he has a REALLY famous painting hanging opposite the bed. and i mean, studied it in art history courses.

im a true fag it seems.

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